When it comes to vulnerability, none of us wants to let our guard down. We choose instead to walk around looking pretty and all put together on the outside but inside we are struggling with all kinds of thoughts that are wreaking havoc on our self-esteem.
I know it is just way easier to act like all is well. Every hair strand in place, clothing crisp and clean but still we are filled with uncertainty.
What if the answer to living free and full is to be vulnerable?
Who, Me?
Yes, You.
Being vulnerable means consciously removing the walls you hide behind as you seek to connect with God, others, and yourself.
You are a social being. Your longing to connect with others especially a partner to share your deepest thoughts with is wonderfully human.
What Does It Mean To Be Vulnerable?
Being vulnerable requires you to open up your deepest self to scrutiny and most times that is HARD to do. But you can choose to be as vulnerable as you want to be.
But hear wisdom from the Word of God,
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Sins here can be anything, not just the secret love affair or your struggles with masturbation or that you may lie at the drop of a hat. Your struggles may be many different things it could be pride, envy, worry-who knows? The above scripture in James 5 encourages you to find someone you can open up to that you may conquer it, conquer them, conquer all and be healed from the side effects of your struggle. The Word encourages you to find someone you can link arms with who will pray you up, someone who is rooting for you, encouraging you and telling you that you can overcome your fear of commitment or simply overcome anything that life hits you with.
Since you are looking for love and even though it has proven to be elusive so far that doesn’t mean it will not happen. Maybe you are afraid to admit that your heart longs to find the man who you can spend the rest of your life with and this just leaves you feeling so broken and alone.
Ladies, God will not heal what you hide. Hiding just creates the ideal place for the festering and the spreading of the lies that often comes with these situations. So, confess these emotions-be vulnerable so that you can be healed.
Use these 17 “I AM” Affirmation cards to remind you of what God says about you.
No need to stay depressed, hopeless or with out joy.
Start filing your mind and your mouth with truth
Say after me- I AM LOVED.
Emotions Experienced On Your Way To Being Vulnerable
You may be assailed with a whole bunch of emotions when faced with the choice of whether to be vulnerable or not.
The one you want most of all is joy. But joy comes only after you have opened up yourself to scrutiny and the person you shared with still thinks, says, and acts like you are wonderful. When he says, I will help you through that or what you’ve just shared doesn’t make you less beautiful, caring, or special to me. Yea, joy comes, and yes relief that you are accepted and loved just the way you are.
But before joy, there is an endless battle with any number of emotions. Can you relate?
Often time top of mind are any of or all of the following emotions:
- Sadness is just being reminded of how you were treated last time or you may be sad because you think you cannot share your heart; your regrets or your missteps. Sadness stops you.
- Fear of being judged, criticized, or rejected. There is even fear of being pitied because of the experiences you have gone through. Fear stops you.
- Shame because there have been so many instances when you just don’t look Christ-like and the many times you have simply failed to live up to the virtues of being a holy Christian gal. Shame because you have to admit that you are still waiting even as the years gobbled up before your eyes and there seems to be nothing you can do about it. Shame comes when you are at the receiving end of everybody’s questions for the umpteenth time. Shame stops you.
- Doubt because you have no idea how your disclosure or your moment of vulnerability will be treated. Can he handle the truth? Can he handle the truth? You doubt it. You doubt he will know how to treat you after your disclosure. You don’t want to walk on eggshells around him. Doubt stops you from being vulnerable.
- Anger is sometimes your defense. You don’t need anyone. No one can put you down because of your marital status or because your relationships often end before they ever get really good. You tell yourself nobody’s opinion matters but that isn’t totally true. Anger stops you.
- Pride, you think no one needs to know not even him. It’s none of his business that you messed up or that you can relate personally to the particular struggle that has taken centre stage in any discussion. It can be anything- it may be the fact that you get caught up in comparison- why her and not me? Maybe you are struggling with inner emptiness but you don’t want to be vulnerable at all-so you give the impression that you are fine just the way you are. Pride stops you.
According to Merriam-Webster, vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
So, the truth is, being vulnerable is risky business. It may result in you being judged or rejected or worse. You may feel uncomfortable, and even disagreements may pop up making the space where you once felt comfortable sharing a place you would rather avoid.
This place can be anywhere. It doesn’t even have to be a physical space. Ultimately it’s the way you feel that makes the difference.
Vulnerability With God
Shame limits vulnerability.
Have you ever avoided going to God because of guilt or shame?
Maybe you have felt shame because you have been failing at this one thing over and over again and no matter how much you promise in your heart or even with your mouth your failure is constant.
You may have begun to feel a little bit condemned and with that comes more hiding. More hurting. More regrets.
But if Scripture encourages you to be vulnerable with people, it skillfully calls you out and points you in the direction of a loving God who wants nothing more than for you to come and receive the unconditional love that your heart needs. Hear what He says to you,
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 English Standard Version).
Use these 17 “I AM” Affirmation cards to remind you of what God says about you.
No need to stay depressed, hopeless or with out joy.
Start filing your mind and your mouth with truth
Say after me- I AM LOVED.
God Calls You To Be Vulnerable
God urges you to be vulnerable, to leave nothing unsaid, and to hide no part of yourself. He calls you into daily fellowship with Him. He calls you to be unafraid because vulnerability is needed for intimacy to start, deepen and grow.
Say this out loud:
I can do all things through Him (GOD) who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 English Standard Version).
Ladies, know that the God who created you is well aware of every misstep and every messed up deed and messed up place you find yourself in.
Hear this,
This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaims to you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:5-10 English Standard Version).
What will you do?
Do You Trust God?
God knows you completely, yet you hide. He already knows. Come out and lay your cards on the table but even that is a stretch because truthfully you may struggle with being vulnerable with God.
Yes, that may very well be it.
You are vulnerable with those you trust!
Do you trust God? Fully; kind of; maybe a little bit?
If you trust God you wouldn’t hide. You would be open and honest and then you would ask for help. That’s what the vulnerable do. The vulnerable asks for help and your God is the best place to start.
So:
- Do you trust God?
- Are you convinced that He loves you just the way you are?
- Do you believe He is faithful to you?
- Do you believe He has your best interest at heart?
- Have you given Him complete control of your life?
- Do you believe He has the final say?
If you have answered yes to these questions then being vulnerable with God should be easy. You can go to Him with your deepest feelings and needs, your deepest longings and desires and thoughts no matter what.
God, Please Listen To My Heart
When you are lonely, impatient, or frustrated as you look at your life do you harbor any of the following thoughts?
Do you take them to God?
Do you tell God exactly how you feel?
Are you open and honest with Him about your singleness?
- God, I’m tired of the wait-it makes no sense.
- God, I feel I should have been married long ago-why am I still single?
- God, I obeyed You, I prayed; why did my relationship end; why didn’t You do anything to save it?
- God, when will the prophetic word that I got, that I am going to get married come to pass?
- God, I’m angry and disappointed because after all this time I’m still single.
- God, I can’t help it, I need companionship.
- God, something is wrong with me- I don’t feel whole but I am not sure what it is.
Can you relate?
You Get To Choose
Remember being vulnerable with God, others, and yourself mean being completely open. It means exposing your deepest thoughts, your dreams, your desires, and every secret thing you have gone through. You come to a place of nakedness where nothing else matters. In this place you are secure. In this place, you know you are loved and accepted. In this place, you also get to hear the truth. One truth may be that you don’t get to decide your times or your seasons. In other words, you don’t get to choose when the time is right for anything in your life, not even marriage, God does.
After all Psalm 31:15 says- My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies, And from those who persecute me (While I wait- added for emphasis). Hear also Isaiah 60:22 which says in part… When the time is Right, I the LORD will make it happen.
Maybe these are the kinds of thoughts and behaviours God wants to address. Will you go to Him?
You don’t have to hide from yourself. Embrace who you are on your way to who you want to become. Knowing your flaws is a good place to start. True, what you see may not be pretty but you don’t have to compete, you don’t have to pretend, and you don’t have to hide from yourself. Yes, you should own it. You are beautiful. You were made on purpose. The flaws that you see are not a surprise to God. Nothing is beyond the work of the Holy Spirit and prayer. Together, you can overcome and live more victoriously.
So, will you break down the wall that separates you from Him and just go sit on His knee, pour out your heart as He whispers, You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7).
